Wednesday, February 17, 2010


So, for Valentine's day I don't really think about the kids. BioMOm's my valentine, and that's that in my opinion.

BioMom, however, does.

She got them both little gifties to celebrate the day.

Unfortunately for her, she doesn't get the credit.

Nine opened up her little heart necklace and said: "Thanks Baba!"

And when Big found a small version of Chutes and Ladders, he gave me a huge hug.

I just beamed, choosing not to correct their mistakes.

We tore open the game and some chocolate hearts and played a round, Nine tromping us all having landed on the longest ladder and avoiding all chutes.

Big: "Let's play again! [Nine], can I be your girl this time?"

Nine: "No."

BioMom, Big and I: "Why not?"

Nine: "She's fat."

Sometimes I think that being a girl makes raising a girl more difficult.

BioMom and I went into tag-team formation.


"What did you say?"

We bulldozed her with our overwhelming reaction to the comment. And I mean that in a self-reprehensive way. We definitely did not handle it well. Is that what you think about her? What would someone think who heard you say that? What did you mean by that? Ugh. It was bad. She initially denied saying it, we went into blah blah blah lectures about media images and women and how women then feel about themselves etc.

We were nothing but attack and she was nothing but defense.

I got back to her later when we were both a bit removed.

It is really a complicated message we send to young girls. On the one hand we harp about eating healthy and not too much. To eat less sugar and pop. With Nine we pay attention to carbs, knowing that like us, she tends toward overeating when it's really bad for you and yummy. And knowing that she just does better in school when she's got some protein under her belt in the morning.

We never talk about being fat although she'd have to be deaf to not hear BioMom and I's own personal concerns when we know we've had a bad few months and gained a few unwanted pounds.

So now we're harping that fat is basically the equivalent of a swear word and our arguments were steeped in complicated feminist rhetoric.


How do all of you react to your girls' reactions to society? What do you do when they pick up the negatives you wish you could shield them from?


Vikki said...

Some words are trigger words. We recently had a "fat" bulldozing conversation of our own. It is so complicated, isn't it?

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