Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Dadism

Apologies for the lack of posts. School started for 75 percent of us and that has really gotten the better of my creative energy.

The other night though, a late night conversation with Nine could not NOT be comment on in this forum.

She was talking with BioMom and said that kids at school were asking her what it was like to not have a dad, and if she missed it.

BioMom asked her how she responded and she said that she had (quote) never really considered it.

!

She explained that her life is just her life and that she doesn't know about having a dad so how could she miss or not miss it?

And then she went on to say that if she thinks about it at all, it is not like she thinks of having a different person in her life, more that she thinks about me being a man, or a dad.

That was the first time I really made the connection between being GLBT and being the spawn of a GLBT person.

Heretofore, I really thought that the two experiences were, strangely, quite different. I mean, chances are that kids of GLBT people are not (usually) GLBT themselves. There may be an analogous 'coming out' process as in "oh, by the way, my parents are gay" but even that is (I expect) a distinctly different experience than "oh, by the way, I am gay." Not harder or easier, just different.

So, this was a bit of a surprise to me. Maybe just a surprise because I hadn't expected it, I don't know. But it reminded me of those first feelings I had, possibly in the early teenage years, when I began to recognize a pattern in the sex of the people that were showing up in my nascent fantasy life.

One of my immediate reactions to this was that if I were a boy (at that time) life would be a whole lot easier.

We will see what all this brings but so far Nine seems incredibly put together about herself and her life. Her friends seem to trust her enough to ask questions and we're lucky that so far she feels trusting enough to ask us questions.

1 comment:

Christine said...

I can really relate to Nine's situation and her feelings on the subject of not having a dad...So what's there to miss? How can one speculate or miss something they've not experienced? I'm sure it's the same for any kid raised by same-sex parents. It's hard to convey that to others, but it's really simple. All families are different in their own way. Right?
Thank goodness she has great friends!