I've been resisting posting about this issue for quite some time.
Maybe because I am ashamed. Maybe because I do not want a permenant record of it. Maybe its because I am lazy.
Yesterday Mof4, in her usual, infinitely-patient and empathetic way of viewing the shennanegans of chidren, helped me to reframe my feelings and come to some resolution about what I previously saw as some quite strange behavior on behalf of our SYO.
I first ran across this behavior last summer while on vacation (incidently with Fof4, Mof4, 4of4, 3of4, 2of4 and 1of4) at a Northern Minnesota resort. BioMom was taking a bit of time in the cabin while Big was napping while me, the SYO and the "Clan" were out and about, contemplating an ice cream cone.
I suggested to the SYO that we take a cone back for BioMom.
She refused. Adamantly.
I was shocked. She is normally extremely generous. Plus, being also very empathetic, I figured that she would feel for her mother if she didn't also imbibe in the glorious frozen goodness that is the ice cream cone. Especially since that particular vendor had the peppermint bon bon flavor so loved by our dearest.
But she insisted that NO!, we should not take a cone back for mom.
I was baffled. And I can't, now, remember what clue triggered my ultimate understanding of the SYO's motives:
She couldn't stand the thought of BioMom enjoying a cone when she was not currently enjoying one herself.
Let me clarify. The SYO would rather BioMom, her own, dear sweet mother, the woman who went to the gates of hell in delivery for her, NOT have an ice cream cone so that she could avoid the displeasure of having eaten her own cone just moments before and having to observe her mother in the glorious pleasure that is the consumption of the ice cream cone.
On our way home from the North Shore, we like to assuage the let-down of vacation ends by stopping at Dairy Queen.
On this particular trip, BioMom was planning on making a stop at the Gap outlet to shop a bit and return a few things so we thought we'd drop her off, pick up the DQ loot and head back, hoping to avoid the twin evils of waiting in the car while Mom shops, or taking two exhausted and dissapointed kids into public (i.e. the Gap).
Once back in the parking lot, cones in hand, it was clear that the SYO's plan to put off consumption until BioMom was back in the car, consuming at the same rate, in order to avoid the pain of watching someone else imbibe, was going awry. BioMom was taking too long in the sale-ridden post-holiday outlet heaven.
Through her gritted teeth: WHY IS SHE TAY-KING SO LONG????
Angrier: WHERE IS SHE???
Me, in a somewhat taunting tone, knowing the answer to the very question I am about to ask: Why are you in such a hurry?
She: Because I want to get home! I MISS home!
Me: But once home, we'll just go to bed. Why the rush?
She, with a smile, knowing that I am on to her ruse: I MISS my bed.
Me, with BioMom's melting cone running down my hands: Oh, don't worry, we'll get there.
She, with increasing intensity: WHERE! IS! SHE!!!
When I told Mof4 about this behavior (these are not the only two incidents, by the way) she immediately empathized: Well, it IS hard to watch someone eat a treat when you don't have one.