Monday, June 02, 2008

Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2008: Billy Wishes He Has Two Moms TOO!!

In honor of Dana Rudolph of Mombian's Annual "Blogging for LGBT Families Day" I'm coming out of blog-cover and posting again!

My immediate thought about what to blog on this auspicious occasion was how we (GLBT parents/families) are simultaneously the same as any other parents/families and at the same time really different.

And then I thought, no! I haven't been sharing with you all my strange (and wonderful) experiences at this trimester's ECFE (early childhood and family education) class, and the particular woman (a teaser for future possible posts: she told a neighbor and fellow-lesbian parent something to the effect of "you're one of those gray-haired women walking around with Guatemalan kids, aren't you"!?! and at another time, when one woman came in exasperated by her extremely active and large- personalitied two-year-old-boy, her suggestion was none other than spanking!).

In honor of her, I'm blogging about that all-too-supportive response from other parents who have just realized that they are in the presence of a GLBT parent:

"You know what _____ said to me the other day?? S/he said that s/he wished s/he had two mommies too!!!"

This is the parent version of "Oh, you're a lesbian and went to the University of Minnesota? Do you know _______? I think she went to the U of M too!"

The first two hundred times I heard about little Billy mourning his lack of a second Mother, I thought it was really cool and that the parents were really supportive and part of the "straight-but-not-narrow" club.

Now, however, I've become a bit wary of that response.

In fact, depending on the context, I'll offer you several possible interpretations in case you, dear reader, face that wolf-in-lamb's statement yourself.

Possible thoughts inside the head of the person reporting that their kid "wishes HE/SHE had two moms":

1. The Exhausted: "I'm so effing sick of emptying the dishwasher, washing diapers and taking care of these brats all by myself because my husband travels all the time and doesn't lift a finger when he's home! At least if there were another woman around here I know I wouldn't be stuck doing all the work!"

2. The Nervous: "I am SUPER uncomfortable being around this woman who I thought was just a middle-aged-Minnesotan and now I come to find out is a LESBIAN!?! What do I say now???"

3. The Over-zealous: "I REALLY want people to know that I'm super progressive and even though I'm straight, I'm an ally! Really, I am!!!"

4. The Closeted: "I sometimes wonder if I am a lesbian....? Maybe Billy really COULD have two moms!?!"

Of course, kids do say the darndest things, and who wouldn't want to Moms, (at least in the utiopian Americana leave-it-to-beaver sense as opposed to the "no-more-wire-hangers" sense)?

But let's just be clear about this, Billy's not wanting two lesbian moms.

And that's the sense in which we're not just like any other parent on the block.

Our homes, for the most part, still don't have wedding pictures decorating our walls (despite the recent victory in California!), our kids still have to grapple with either being--or not being--adopted by one (or more) of their parents, they still deal with questions from other kids that their peers don't have to even consider (which, I warn you, get more interesting as they approach puberty and are beginning to be exposed to the birds and the bees), and they (as research shows) feel protective and as if they need to defend us (their parents) in the face of homophobia out in the world.


Anonymous said...

Oh God, I think I fell into the trap of the #3 Over-zealous upon meeting The Lesbian Moms at my daughters preschool. ::ducks head::

giddings said...

Hi Thistles! Well, we're even. I've fallen into the middle-aged cynic trap! ;-)

hw said...

Another great hilarious post. Love it.

#1 reminds me of my mother. She now says that if she has to do it all over again (the marriage thing) she'd do it with a woman.

giddings said...

I bet most women feel like this at some level, don't you think?

The one straight woman I know who's got this right is Mother-of-Four. She's got a great husband AND a very dedicated friend from elementary school who is nearly as committed to her and her kids as I am to BioMom but in a platonic sense. The three of them spend a lot of time "tri-parenting"!

That, plus our very tight-knitted neighborhood, and I suppose it cuts the edge off of being a parent of four.

Chris said...

Great post! I'm glad I'm not the only one who encounters this :o)

Insemination Station said...

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