Sunday, December 18, 2005

Titles, Names and other Sundry Topics

A friend of mine just inquired about the name of this blog and why I refer to myself (or, I should say, referred) as a "step-mother."

At the time I created this WebLog, ZeYo was still really abstract in our minds and the FYO was going through something with me and deciding what to call me.

I met them (BioMom and the FYO) when the FYO was 16 months old. BioMom's (female) partner had an affair and their relationship dissovled early on in the FYO's life. While BioMom and I both felt a special spark when we met, we were both uncomfortable thinking about me co-parenting for quite some time (needless to say, we didn't do the usual lesbian second date U-Haul).

As we became increasingly serious, and I eventually moved in with them, the FYO also evolved in what she called me, and it was also obvious that while she couldn't remember a time without me, she also intuitively knew that a time without me existed.

I have always felt that it was important to follow her lead in this. I always thought that Mike and Carol Brady's kids were totally fake in calling their new step-parents "Mom" and "Dad" and I didn't expect the FYO to jump in and call me "Mom" until she was ready. In fact, I didn't (and don't) care what she calls me.

Ultimately, it has evolved into something quite fluid. Sometimes she calls me by my first name, other times by "Mom" or "Mommy."

Now, with the ZeYo, I suppose things may be different.

In any case, the title of the blog seems outdated. I also wish I would have been a little more creative, maybe calling it the "Lesbian Step-Father" or something fun like that with a nod to some of the lit crit people of the 1990s.

Since the ZeYo has been born, a couple of lesbian couples have asked us what he'll call me. BioMom has gotten a big kick out of this, coming up with various names, using them in context:

[Zero Year Old] here comes Malikaliki-Mama!

Mamakesh -- here's a dirty diaper for you to change!

Others include: Mamasita, Mamoo, Mushka.

It goes on and on.

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