Friday, December 31, 2004

Why I am an Ass Part II

We broke down at about 3 p.m. during the ice storm yesterday and turned on Dr. Phil. Am I crazy, or are those parents he has on there just stupid? Isn't his "bad ass advice" just logical and common sense? If Four-Year-Old was caught stealing from other people's houses, I'd bust her down! What is up with these parents? Do they just want to be on television? Are they making this stuff up?

Today we went skiing for the third time. Even though the snow wasn't great, it was still amazing and The Four-Year-Old made amazing progress. She's actually begun to learn how to slide between steps and, therefore, go farther and faster. Kids' learning curves are amazing (another way I'd like to be like her when I grow up).

Anyway, we didn't plan to stay out long as the snow wasn't very good, and it was a bit colder. So we planned to just go up the first hill and back down so she could get a feel of going down herself. But she kept falling. I tried to show her how to keep her weight foward so she wouldn't fall as much. BioMom was talking to her about how to get up herself, but the message wasn't getting through.

I'd ski up ahead and look back and see Four-Year-Old on her back like a turtle. I started thinking that maybe she was doing it because she didn't want to ski. It started to seem like she was falling on purpose so that she could get our attention and help getting up.

Here's where I was an ass.

Sidekick can get up herself.

I said this knowing how absolutely shitty it was. Knowing that it was bad parenting. KNOWING that it would make her feel bad. Knowing that she'd know there was something about her that I wasn't fully appreciative of.

I felt shitty the moment it came out of my mouth. Even before she said

Are you saying that Sidekick is better than me?

She said that. Talk about a knife in your heart.

I backtracked.

No. Not generally. Not at skiing. Just at getting up. She can get up herself.

Of course she skied perfectly after that and even got up on her own several times after that. I kept praising her (read: felt REALLY guilty). Then she turned to me and said

I'm just trying to be like you.

Jesus H. Christ. Unbelievable.

Later in the car on the way back, BioMom and I were having one of those whispered adult conversations in the front seat while Four-Year-Old was in her booster seat in the back. You know those conversations where you wondered what your parents were saying up in front but because you had been daydreaming or something, you'd already missed half of it, and didn't understand the context. Anyway, I was telling her how wretched I felt about the whole episode. How bad a parent I am, blah blah blah. And she said

But she started getting up on her own didn't she?

Damn.

Dr. Phil, eat your heart out.


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