Friday, March 18, 2005

The Better to BLANK You With, My Dear

So, HFRM#1 is out on the dating scene, nearly a year after her breakup with a friend of mine [note, friend, if you're reading this, you have been warned that it may not be material suitable to your eyes].

As all of the topical books will tell you, its rough out there for a thirty-something on the scene.

Recently, however, she's been seeing someone slightly more regularly, but it has been defined (mutually) as "casual dating."

This term is highly confusing to me.

Although BioMom and I didn't do the U-Haul thing, I don't think we EVER dated in a CASUAL way. So, I regularly query HFRM#1 for a translation and an update.

Today's lunch over sushi was the recent installment.

So, I'm getting a little concerned.

About what.

About *ahem* his preferences.

What do you mean, 'preferences'? Is he gay?

No. . . I wish. . . I could deal with gay. . . I'm concerned he might have a foot fetish.

Wha? Licking. . . Sucking. . .

Interrupting: NOOOO! No. No. NO! Nothing like that.

Then what? I mean, a little foot rub would be great!

Sure. A foot rub IS great. This is NOT a little foot rub. There seems to be a bit of a focus on the foot.

FOTF? Okay. Back it up. Explain. Put this in context. . . You're sitting and watching t.v. and he starts rubbing your foot? You're out to dinner and he reaches down and pulls your foot between his legs? That's called SEXY, my friend!


Okay. You're making out and he reaches for your foot first?

Well, yes and no.


No. . . Its just that there is a lot of attention centered on my feet. . . He's all "You have small feet!" And I'm all "you have big feet! . . . Size 15, right?"

Turns out he is listed on Match.Com and actually put in his foot size into his description:

"Just bought some ice skates for my size 15's ..."

If THAT is not an advertisement, I don't know what is!

I feel like I'm little red riding hood and he's the big bad wolf: What big FEET you have, Grandma!!!

Anyway. . . He rubs them. Likes my socks. . . Reaches for the top of my socks. And I wear tall socks, you know? ITS COLD!. . . He removes my socks. . .

Maybe its just "How naked can I get her?" not an actual bona fide FOOT FETISH!

Teasing: So, Dr. Big likes the fe-et! He's heading SO-HOUTH!Skipping the equator and heading to the Antarctic!

That would be sad. That would be really sad. It'd be over if he had a foot fetish. I hate feet. I hate my own feet! I hate having my socks off. Hell. I hate SOCKS!! . . . Not shoes though. Love shoes. Shoes cover feet. Like rock-paper-scissors for feet.

Yeah. That WOULD be sad.

Yeah. Ending it before I had the chance verify the size 15s!

1 comment:

hfrm#1 said...

FOTF update ... after this weekend, my foot fetish fears are subsiding. however, i have decided that, if dr. big turns out to have a bona fide foot fetish, i'll give it a try.

i mean, if dooce can give the A1 steak sauce bottle a try, i can certainly tolerate a little toe sucking, no???