Thursday, March 31, 2005

How I Annoy Myself: Part I

So, last night BioMom and I took the next step in our fertility journey.

The group course on Mind-Body Spirituality/Fertility.

Yes. We have become two of those people. The people that attend self-help groups.

Last night was one of three nights in which the "husbands" are invited to attend over the course of the course (of course).

It was actually pretty cool and what became clear is that the course will focus on ways to relax, meditate, etc. which can be nothing but good, right?

Anyway, during the part where we sat in a circle and went around introducing ourselves, saying what is unique about ourselves, and our goals, I annoyed the hell out of myself.

So, I have this terrible habit of babbling incoherently when I am nervous.

It was all planned out in my head: the loving introduction of me and BioMom, the witty something-special that links to something husband X across the room said, the cherished goal that reveals my soft-inner-partner-supporting self.

You get the picture.

But what came out was utter self-prioritizing, incomprehensible, babble that turned out to be, IMHO, completely impertinent in hindsight.

When it came to his turn, WannabeProgenetor#1 across the room said something to the effect of:

Two years ago I would never have predicted how much I now know about the female reproductive system!

This, of course, generated huge laughs. Laughs like those out-of-proportion canned laughs on Everybody Loves Raymond (which, by the way IS NOT FUNNY). And a GINORMOUS snort from BioMom which only egged me on. I can top that!! I thought. I can make her laugh more!


So it gets to me. . . And at the moment at which I am supposed to speak, my internal double-skim-latte-no-whip spills all over the blueprint-for-comic-relief in my brain and I have nothing to reference.

The problem? I shoot from the hip (innacurately I might add):

Hi. I'm [Blogauthor] and this is my partner [BioMom].

No pause whatsoever.

Like WannabeProgenetor#1, I too, find myself knowing more about the female body than I ever did before.


But that's not enough for me and I can't even pause until people stop laughing so that people aren't even hearing me at this point. Even if they WANTED to listen.

You know those people that ask "When will you know that she's pregnant?"?. Duh. "When she does or does not get her period.". . . Well, I was one of those people.

Again, no pause in sight.

But I can tell you that I do now know when I am ovulating!

Then. THEN. Because I can't stop talking. . . I go on to say that we have a FYO, that I blog about her, and that they. . . The. People. In. The. FERTILITY. Self. Help. Group. Many of whom, as it turns out, have been struggling for YEARS with fertility, lost friends and family, feel lost, feel alone, feel afraid, full-of-grief, and like a total freaks from the land of misfit toys. . . :

Can expect to be included in MY BLOG!?!

Yes. I actually said that.

BioMom rushes in with a strong -- nearly violent -- ANONYMOUSLY!

What the EFF is my problem?

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