Monday, October 09, 2006

Father Knows Best?

I officially migrated into lesbian fatherhood this weekend.

The blog's title reflects this discrete shift, although in actuality, it has been a long process. In addition to my struggle with naming myself - the non-biological parent - sometimes progressive (I made all of my own organic baby food!) sometimes 1950's dad (I've been known to yell in rural Dairy Queens -- and no, I did not say "at", I said "in"!) - I also found the former title of this blog to be false (that is, after the boy was born, I was suddenly in that nether-world of "step-parent" to one and just plain old "parent" to the other). Needless to say, it was a strange place in which to be, and this odd identity of mine is constantly evolving.

Cousin and I attended the joyous wedding of an old friend of our's this weekend (pictures to follow). During one updat-y conversation, a friend of the friend's response to finding out that I was attached and that we had, in fact, multiplied, declared: "You're a DAD!?!"

So, I said to myself, "What the hell? A lesbian dad I am! Why not let it be reflected in my public persona?"

Hence, the name change.

Maybe I will remember this as my second "coming out" story.

Speaking of "Dad". One of the most vivid memories that I have of my mother is from early summer evenings when my dad's car would pull up in the driveway. When she saw that he was home she would sing (to the tune of 'Here Comes Santa Claus') "Here Comes Daddy-O, Here Comes Daddy-O, Right Down Daddy-O Lane!" The nickname "Daddy" is so tender and dear and while I covet it, it just doesn't feel 'right' to me.

The wedding was great. Beautiful. Wonderful. A true inspiration to love, trust and committment, hosted in the center of a city filled with scandal and irony.

What follows are a few of the best photos from the weekend spent carousing with Cousin in Washington, sans the mess of kids we've spawned who enjoyed a weekend home with our respective spouses.


Anonymous said...

Lesbian fatherhood seems like such a akward term. Have you ever felt like a mother? Making baby food sure seems like a motherly thing to do!

giddings said...

It is especially "akward" when you spell awkward wrong, Anonymous!

Check out some of my and's posts on "feeling like a mother". I also suggest reading current scholarly works on the notion of motherhood. It sounds like you have some very specific ideas about what "motherhood" is. Is it a singular notion? Has it been the same across time and cultures? What exactly is a "mother"? What defines "motherhood"?

Having said that, I am not exactly sure what you mean by "have you ever felt like a mother"? What does that/should that feel like? Making baby food could simply mean that I don't have any money. Or that I'm frugal. It could mean that I like to cook. It could mean that I am bored. Or infatuated with Martha Stuart.

I guess I just don't know if I have or do "feel like a mother." Mostly I feel like I want BioMom and I to have somewhat distinct roles. I want to be true to myself (a somewhat masculine/butchy woman) who feels a little like a mother (whatever that means) and a little like a father (whatever that means).