BioMom brought up an interesting point this weekend in response to my Non-PC Pondering. She wonders why we are so defensive about acknowledging any sort of loss at all.
Furthermore, she wondered why we rush to the outcomes to prove that there isn't a loss.
This was a fascinating point. Even if we can prove that ACGPs are categorically performing as well as their heterosexually-oriented counterparts, does that necessarily mean that there is not a loss in experience for the FYO to not have a dad? BioMom even suggested that the experience of the loss itself might (will) transform her in some way, possibly a possitive way, but she may STILL experience the loss.
Why are we so afraid of acknowledging this?
It seems even more exaggerated in the case of two lesbian parents of boys. Although I think the boys will adjust fine (especially if they have adult male role models), one cannot ignore the loss.
One more thought experiment: the gay male parents. Now that I think about it, with all of our hangups as a society about motherhood, this must be what the Christian Right freaks about when they think of gay parents.