SGSE for Same Gender Spousal Equivalent
See today's column by Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post
My same-gender-spousal-equivalent (SGSE) and I have been together three years. We had a commitment ceremony last May and have been wearing rings on our left hands since then. My SGSE hasn't told his (Catholic) family about the "wedding," though they accept us, and we sleep together when we visit. SGSE is not out to Grandma, and she's old-fashioned, though he's her favorite grandchild.
On our latest visit to Grandma, SGSE's mother asked us to not wear our rings. I was incensed, and complied grudgingly. SGSE would not stand up to Mama, who is generally very sweet, and I've been mad ever since. I hate going back in the closet. I feel like I don't want to visit these people again. Was I wrong to swallow my convictions?
If anyone's looking for reasons to support gay marriage, I can suggest four: "same," "gender," "spousal" and "equivalent."
Perhaps you did swallow your convictions on closeting. But you apparently did so to uphold your convictions on meeting family halfway, on keeping your symbolism and Grandma's feelings in perspective, on supporting your SBFTFTMCLMOMIMJ (spouse-but-for-the-fact-that-men-can't-legally-marry-other-men-in-most-jurisdictions).
You've won 98 out of 100 battles, real and potential and tough, with this family -- an average most straight couples quit hoping for. You were gracious in reflexively conceding this latest skirmish. Any hangover from that, you should discuss with your SBFTFTMCLMOMIMJ; don't take hostages out of spite.