Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Non-P.C. Pondering

Last night the FYO was talking with BioMom about anything and everything. At one point she says

I wish I had three parents.

BioMom: Oh yeah? Why?

FYO: So I could have a dad too.

This is an evolution of such ponderings on behalf of the FYO. At one point, after hanging out with Sidekick, she said something to the effect of wishing she had a Dad. I responded by saying that I bet Sidekick wished she had a [insert blog author's first name]. The FYO quickly retracted her desire.

We respond with all of the things you're supposed to respond with when confronted with this question.

But you have TWO moms! How lucky are you?


Well, there are all sorts of families. Some people have one mom, other people have one dad, some people have adopted parents. . .


The important thing is to not talk with her like there is some sort of loss.

But this point nags at me. Is there really no loss?

I just had lunch with a psychology professor here and talked with her about this issue. She said that the research she has read shows that most ACGPs grow up completely socially adjusted.

Yeah. But that doesn't really answer my question. I guess I want to know. I want some sort of measurement that could compare two well-adjusted two-parent families, one lesbian couple and one heterosexual couple. Can we measure a difference in the "outcome" of one kid having a dad and one kid not. Of course, I'd also like that experiment to have been conducted in a vacuum in which there was no social disapprobation associated with homosexuality.

The professor went on to tell me that some kids get angry when they find out how they were conceived but after that, there is no measurable difference between ACGP's and their heterosexually-parented counterparts. See this post for a link to all of the studies I know of which say the same thing.

But the question still nags. I'm sure its not PC to say this-or even think it for that matter-but isn't there still a loss from not having a Dad? Again, assuming a good, involved Dad. A Dad's Dad.

I can imagine some losses. What about some school dance where girls take their dads? Is there some benefit for a heterosexual girl to grow up with a male in the house? Would it give her an advantage in living with one when she becomes an adult? Is there some advantage to experiencing a man and a woman interacting? Can lesbian parents proxy this? If gender is a continuum, is the FYO experiencing enough gender diversity in a relatively more feminine BioMom and a relatively more masculine step-mom?

The jury's out, but the PC police will (I'm sure) be in (soon).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We get what we get... and all come with limitations linked to how experiences in our upbringing shape our development. It's the greatest part of what makes us all uniquely able to process the world just a little differently and empathize and understand with subtle variation. If the FYO comes of age feeling less than "normal", I'd claim success.