How To Annoy The FYO, Part I

Tonight was the FYO's Montessori Spring Picnic.

It was magical.

Imagine them all singing little choreographed tunes, lots of pot-luck desserts, running around like mad, a break from the rain, and, last but not least, a magician.

Magicians are like kids movies. They are austensibly entertainment for kids, but with the dry humor and adult jokes on the side, its really for us.

The event went a little long and the FYO was dehydrated and exhausted by the time we reached the car to head home.

BUT. I'M. REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY
REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY
REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY
REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY
REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREALLY.

REALLY.

THIRSTY!!!

I know. We'll be home soon and I'll get you a big frosty glass of milk or water.

WHEN! WHEN WILL WE BE HO-OME???

Count to one hundred and we'll be there.

In French.

BUT. I. CA-HAN'T!

You just told me you could!

I. CA-HAN'T WHEN I'M THIRSTY!!!

Meanwhile the car is speeding around the lake toward home.

Okay. One hundred. In English!

One. Two. Three. . . . .

Thirty-one. Thirty-two. . .

Fourty-nine. . .

The car turns onto our street. One block away and I hear her jump from "seventy-nine" to "one hundred!"

You skipped the '80's and the '90s!
The FYO has no idea how near and dear the '80s and '90s are to my heart!! Those are my COLLEGE DAYS for Christ's sake!!! DON'T SKIP OVER MY EFFING COLLEGE DAYS FOR EFF'S SAKE!

No I didn't!!

Yes! You went from seventy-nine to one hundred!! You skipped the eighties and the nineties!

NO!!

You know what that means, don't you?

I asked as the car approached our house. The house now in full view to the FYO. The house which, in her eyes was spilling over with ice cold milk. Milk flowing out the windows and doors. Over the chimney, onto the roof. Turning the green grass white. . .

WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? Panicked

I revv up the engine (of the Toyota hybrid. . . i.e. not much of a rev): It means I'm going to have to go around the block while you finish up the eighties and the nineties!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And then she turns into a puddle in the back seat.

Am I cruel or what?